Inexpert Opinions

Yet another nose-dive into the tepid waters of the internet has brought me the following hilarious statement: The Earth is perfectly designed for us. Us being humans. And I cannot help but think... really? 70% of this rock consists of water you cannot drink, air you cannot breathe, land you cannot farm. Step outside at the wrong time of year, and you'll freeze to death or die from heatstroke. Spend too much time outside, and you'll get skin cancer. Spend too much time inside, and you'll die from various anatomical malfunctions due to vitamin D deficiency. And that’s before we even include the platoon of teeth and venom ready to tear your pretty little toes off. The list goes on. Sure, if you live safely in a house with strong walls, a decent air conditioning and heating system, a fridge full of food, all your favorite shows at the press of a button, and a supermarket just down the road—it will all seem ever so perfect. That’s the thing though… we made it perfect (coug...

Times Are A-Changing Back in the late '90s and early 2000s, urban nightlife was still in full swing—cultural leftovers from the phenomenon that was the '70s and '80s. Vibrant clubs and bars were filled to the brim with every kind of promising future Fortune 500 CEO, long-haired dreamcatcher enthusiast, and your everyday Jack and Jill just out for the weekly nightcap. A plethora of themes spanned from sensory-overloading cyberpunk neon jungles to the dull and dreary nothing-scapes of Ye Olde tavern-style family-run hovels. Enough synchronized lighting to reliably induce seizures within a three-mile radius, or the gentle, out-of-rhythm cooing of a jazz piano coated the background ambience. Slowly but surely, this cacophony of sound and light has been in decline. Establishments are closing down, and fewer people are favoring a night of bumping into urine-soaked strangers on their way to get yet another beverage that would most likely end up on the floor rather than in their st...

The world is an interesting place. Brain implants, liposuction, fidget spinners, dating apps, and sentient convection ovens mark only a few of the trinkets and do-dads we’ve furnished our lives with to make the grueling 9 to 5 (or 6 to 6 if you're in retail) just that much more bearable. I’ve come across some interesting opinions on these marvels in household appliances that I find rather hilarious—and it all comes down to government conspiracy theories. Yes… stick with me here. There are a myriad of conspiracies and beliefs regarding shady and less-than-reputable government doings, and one of the more well-known ones is aliens. Yes, aliens = AI-powered exercise bikes. That’s where this is going. As the internet goblins and orcs would have us believe, a vast plethora of modern-day amenities are not based on the brilliance and ingenuity of modern man (and woman—we do not discriminate unless absolutely necessary). Oh no, no, no. They are, in fact, based on alien technology. Kept secr...

For upwards of 200,000 years, before the invention of agriculture, human beings survived in what can only be described as the hippy’s dream . No walls. No fences. No windows. No burglar bars, alarm systems, cold food storage, preservatives, medication, or wheelchair-accessible ATM machines. No rows upon rows of neatly packaged, pre-killed protein slabs. Just the raw, brutal chaos of nature — things our ancestors had to fight tooth and nail for, just to make it through the night. Back then, there was no illusion of safety. Everyone was well aware that Shiba, the one-eyed tiger, would drop by every night to check whose foot might be sticking just a little too far out of the cave. Waking up to find your neighbor’s entrails strewn across your front lawn was a genuine cause for concern. And indeed — outrage. Bob has been mauled again. Something must be done! In modernity, however, we do not face the same trials and tribulations on a daily basis. We’ve steadily engineered ourselves o...