Ice Crusades Part 1

 Is it just me, or does this colossal crusade against climate change come across as inherently selfish?

Life on Earth has survived countless extinction events — and sure, it came out the other side a little different, maybe even a little wiser... maybe.

Yet here we are, up in arms at the mere possibility of our coastal Airbnbs ending up a tad closer to home. Let’s be honest: we’ve already ravaged most coastal ecosystems — erecting our ports, piers, and portable hotdog stands with cheerful indifference. Our “eco-friendly” sun chairs — lovingly crafted from recycled rollerblades — are delicately placed atop the former nesting grounds of endangered turtles, just so we can feel relaxed before returning to the mines, or worse, the Checkers Deli line.

Animals instinctively know how and when to migrate. We, as far as I can tell, are the only species to plant a flag and, even in the face of nature’s wrath, refuse to move. Come hell or high water — literally — we stay put.

It seems, at least to me in my infinite mediocrity, that we’re the only ones with anything to lose in this war against ice.

We march. We superglue our fingers to vending machines — often out of order, because apparently reading signs is now archaic — all under the banner of SAVING THE PLANET!!

But... are we, though? Are we saving the planet, or are we just trying to save our favorite beach resorts from having to shuffle a few miles inland?

I suppose that’s just a symptom of first-world society:
Tomorrow’s inconvenience becomes today’s righteous war.