Inexpert Opinions

I demand to speak with a more sensible society. We've all been exposed—either unwillingly or through sheer morbid curiosity—to the wails and barks of the Western cultural phenomenon known only as: The Karen . Harbingers of self-entitlement born out of a vast ignorance of social etiquette and a grandiose misapprehension of reality that culminates in a ME -liocentric model of the solar system. The very idea that the service industry exists purely to facilitate your every burning desire, in my opinion, stems from the bastardization of the phrase: “The customer is always right…” Now, for those of you unaware, the full phrase is: “The customer is always right in matters of taste.” Which means, if a customer wants to buy an absolutely hideous lampshade they’ve mistaken for a work of art, then they are right. Each to their own, basically. What it does not mean is that when a customer demands a divine visitation, the produce-section box jockey is required to bend rule or reality to make...

I’ve been wondering for some time now about the legacy we humans will be leaving behind, should the Bible-thumpers or crystal-rubbers be correct and the world comes to a sudden catastrophic end a week from Friday. What will future civilizations—or even aliens—discover and learn of our tumultuous past and present? So I have decided to take it upon myself—no thanks needed—to explain a few things, should the treasure trove that is the internet be discovered in some capacity, and they happen to find this piece between the smut and brain rot. First of all… Excuse the smut. Secondly, please, do not mind the ever-upset white knights taking it upon themselves to find every little thing they could possibly be offended by—or at least make sound offensive—on behalf of others, purely out of the goodness of their own hearts. Bless them. They mean well, but they have the emotional intelligence of an overheating cellphone battery. (I’m sure you dug up a few of them so far, so no explanation needed...

Tell me something... If I come to your house, invited or not, and demand that you feed me, what would be my best course of action if you have the audacity to say no? Say please? Evidently—judging by the vast social intelligence of the modern generations—my best course of action would be to throw bricks through your windows, set fire to your lawn chairs, and paint various vulgar body parts on your walls. Apparently, this will get me that sandwich I asked (demanded) for. Explain that to me, please. Where did anyone get the idea that: If I want people to listen to me and care for the causes I support, I have to reenact the penultimate scene from The First Purge? Just absolute destruction and chaos is exactly what is needed to get people to care about due process. This, obviously, being in reference to the most recent outbreak of peaceful violence in Los Angeles concerning the mass deportations... but this mentality has reared its stupid face many a time in the past few years alone. Even ...

Within the span of a few years, we've seen the marvels of AI progress from a mutant Will Smith shoving a hamburger into a spontaneously forming mouth hole on the side of his face, to videos and images that even the most seasoned cinematographer would struggle to identify as being generated out of thin RAM. Even to the point where AI can now generate complete songs from start to finish, with proper genre-appropriate instruments and chord progressions, lyrics, and vocals fit for the charts. It's absolutely insane. Many have shared their concerns, especially regarding the future of the arts. I mean, if a computer can make the equivalent of a chart-topping hit single, why do we still need the Biebers and the Carpenters? As somewhat of a musician myself, I do understand the concern, although I am not yet convinced that it's really such a bad thing. If your concern lies with the idea that AI-generated music will all start to sound the same after a while, I would have to question ...

Disclosure : What follows has a fairly high chance of causing brain hemorrhaging in any individual with an IQ greater than their shoe size. Flat Earth… One of the more common, hilarious attempts to argue against established reality involves the rotational velocity of the Earth—which, for those who didn’t know, is roughly 1,000 mph at the equator. This apparently seems impossible to the kind of person who, back in school, said: "Where am I ever going to use trigonometry anyway?" The claim is usually something like: "The water would fly off into space! Spin a tennis ball at 1,000 mph and see if any water sticks!" Stop laughing. Be respectful. Let’s examine this claim a little deeper. ⚠️ WARNING: NUMBERS INCOMING. Yes, if you were to spin a tennis ball at 1,000 mph—meaning roughly 127,430 revolutions per minute (RPM) —the water would most definitely fly off. Hell, at that speed, the ball might lose a few molecular bonds , too. For the Earth to match that RPM, ...

In a previous post, I briefly mentioned my visits to the YouTube comment sections. This, however, was a gross under -exaggeration— I graze there like a sheep on the Windows XP background image. Which, I know, is about as intellectually healthy as a dolphin dive into freshly set concrete. But it does offer some interesting perspectives on what people consider to be "proof." The religious folk would have you believe that reading the Bible is ample proof of its own truth and the validity of the claims contained within it— “It’s true because it says it is” being the simplified version. Sure, some offer a slightly deeper perspective, noting these are the words of eyewitnesses—justifying that by asking, “Well, why would they lie?” Well, let’s consider aliens for a moment. ( Bear with me.) There have been thousands upon thousands of UFO sightings over the years, many accompanied by video footage taken on what appears to be a Casio calculator watch. Add to that the thousands...

Where did we come from? Why are we here? Questions made famous by the gentle, soothing speak-and-spell voice of the late Stephen Hawking. Yet these questions have been nipping at humanity’s ankles ever since the first of our ancestors looked up into the night sky and thought: “Damn.” But how do we even begin to answer these questions when we still can’t fully grasp what “here” means? (Look up hard solipsism —it’s hilarious.) Many throughout history have tried to tackle these cosmic riddles with about as much understanding of existence as could fit on the back of a cigarette packet. The first attempt? Proto-religious dribble about some bipolar monkey-bear spirits roaming the forests, demanding constant offerings of wheat bales and virgins to ensure an easy harvest. Of course, this was all before we understood what a season was. This mentality—if I can call it that—eventually evolved into a more familiar, deity-centered structure of platitudes and moral prescriptions that we’ve com...