One Pizza with Everything, Please

Disclosure: What follows has a fairly high chance of causing brain hemorrhaging in any individual with an IQ greater than their shoe size.

Flat Earth…

One of the more common, hilarious attempts to argue against established reality involves the rotational velocity of the Earth—which, for those who didn’t know, is roughly 1,000 mph at the equator. This apparently seems impossible to the kind of person who, back in school, said:

"Where am I ever going to use trigonometry anyway?"

The claim is usually something like:

"The water would fly off into space! Spin a tennis ball at 1,000 mph and see if any water sticks!"

Stop laughing. Be respectful.

Let’s examine this claim a little deeper.

⚠️ WARNING: NUMBERS INCOMING.

Yes, if you were to spin a tennis ball at 1,000 mph—meaning roughly 127,430 revolutions per minute (RPM)—the water would most definitely fly off.
Hell, at that speed, the ball might lose a few molecular bonds, too. For the Earth to match that RPM, it would have to spin at a rotational velocity of approximately… 190,179,104,478 mph.

Something seems a bit off, doesn’t it?

In reality, for a tennis ball to accurately mimic Earth’s rotation, you'd need to spin it at a whopping:
8.77 mm (that’s millimeters) per hour. Why? Because even at 1,000 mph at the equator, the Earth takes a full 24 hours to complete just one rotation. Scale that down, and you’re in for a very unfulfilling day. By the way, at that incredible speed, the water you pointlessly splashed onto your tennis ball isn't going anywhere.

In my travels along the information superhighway, this kind of drivel always entertains me.
Not just because of how incredibly creative these people can get—credit where credit’s due—but also the delightful side-quests involved in working out just how wrong they are. That said, it does raise some rather glaring concerns.

200 years ago, everyone knew who the village idiot was.
And more importantly, everyone knew not to listen to them. Today? They masquerade under the guise of “educational content,” with the confidence of twenty men and a dog, broadcast on a platform that makes them instantly accessible to every other village idiot with an internet connection. Together, they coalesce into one massive, very loud voice of ignorance and self-importance. Because yes, you do have to be self-important to believe the entire world is going out of its way to lie to you. And besides—where would they even get the money for that kind of global deception?

Now, I’m well aware that plenty of these “voices” are purely for entertainment, or to make a quick buck. Some, like myself, proudly flaunt our frankly worrying level of ignorance for all to see.

Others, however, don’t.

They march forward like a Dachshund at a Pitbull fair—chest out, tail wagging, completely blind to a reality that has no intention of slowing down to let them catch up.

If I can give you any kind of life advice?

Get your kid a telescope.